MyWifeWantsMeToTieHerUp

I've seen this question in a few places where all of a sudden a wife lets out that she wants her husband to tie her up.Annotation: I've been seeing these WAY before 50 Shades of Gray was even a concept.  I am not writing about that book!  There are a billion reasons why you shouldn't read it, go read Pulling Dorsum The Shades if yous desire more info. But what about these genuine wives who have a real desire, not brought about by some piece of fiction, to endeavor this?  I've been that husband who sat there and thought, "Is this OK", "What exercise I do?", "How do I start?"
I like to pull Bible passages when I can, but the Bible is pretty silent on nigh sexual practices.  At that place are prohibitions against things like bestiality and incest, against adultery, impure thoughts and practices, but what about what happens in a union bed between mutually consenting adults?

What does the Bible say

Let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of groovy price, and specially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judgeand punish the unchaste [all guilty of sexual vice] and cheating.

– Hebrews xiii:4

Now, most people take this to hateful that outside of the specific prohibitions in the bible, and whatsoever obvious extrapolations of said prohibitions, everything is fair game.  I think nosotros have some basic rules we can all agree to:

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself upwards for her – Ephesians five:25

She comforts, encourages,and does him only good equally long as there is life inside her. – Proverbs 31:12

Everything should be done in dear and respect, no damage involved.

Therefore encourage (admonish, exhort) ane some other and edify (strengthen and build up) one another, just as you lot are doing. – one Thessalonians 5:11

Everything nosotros practise should be to encourage, build up, each other, never to bring each other downwardly.

Now, I know these verses are not specifically nearly sex, but again, I believe the underlying principles are still in effect.

And so then, what do we exercise with a topic like bondage?  Well, allow's define information technology first:

What is bondage

Chains is the tying, bounden, or restraining of a person for the sexual,aesthetic, and/or psychological pleasure of the parties involved. Rope, cuffs, chains tape, cocky-adhesive bandages, or other restraints may exist used for this purpose. Bondage itself does not incorporate sadomasochism.

– Wikipedia

Now, I'll be the first to admit that Wikipedia is not an excellent source of reliable information, but I believe this is a pretty apt description.  I especially want to indicate out that last judgement:Bondage itself does not contain sadomasochism.BDSM tin can contain chains, just bondage does not necessarily pb to BDSM.

Oft, when people hear bondage, their mind all suddenly jumps to chains, whips, paddles, canes, sharp things, pain, etc..  But I'd argue this is a twisting of the existent meaning and a lot of people who participate in bondage would be appalled if they believed people thought that was their goal.

So, if bondage is for restraint, for binding, limiting their movements/actions/choices.How can this be building up our spouses?

People similar bondage for a variety of reasons.  Sometimes it's just aesthetic (they like the contrast of soft skin vs course rope, either the one doing the tying, or the one beingness tied), sometimes they but similar the feeling of being sort of cocooned, information technology's similar being wrapped up in a warm blanket for some.  It reminds them of a simpler time in their life.  There is also a circuitous chemical reaction going on at the same time, which I am not well versed enough to discuss, but I'd say the vast majority of the people I've had a chance to hear/read their explanations, it's much deeper than that.

By far, information technology seems there are more than women wishing to be tied upward than wish to practice the tying, substantially more.  And I think in that location is a clue at that place?  I think it'due south because there is a function of every woman that wants to submit (yeah, I know, that'due south not a popular thought).  I think God made u.s.a. in these roles.  He fabricated Adam to rule the garden, to intendance for information technology, to subdue everything in information technology, and then he placed Eve within that garden.  She was designed to submit, to help Adam to become what he was intended for, and more and more in this day and historic period, staying in these gender roles condign harder and harder to do.  I think many men and women are calling out for some way to reclaim that feeling.  For women: of Eve existence able to submit, completely, knowing, trusting, assertive that Adam would treat her, protect her, guard her from the earth.  For men: to feel like they are the masters of the domain God has given them, that they have a spouse that trusts them to care for them, to protect them and respects him.

Why do yous want me to tie you up?

It seems for many, chains is a symbolic expression (consciously or subconsciously) of that lost state.  I asked my married woman one time, " Why do you think you like existence handcuffed, or blindfolded, or tied with ropes, or whatever?" Her answer was a simple " I like feeling that y'all are going to accept care of me. "  It is a witting decision of hers to identify herself in a place of complete vulnerability.  She has to trust that I volition let her go, that I will non harm or hurt her and she is dependent on me (during that session) to provide, to give her pleasure.

And to be honest, she loves to do it.  This is not something I accept always forced on her, she requests it.  Why?It's freeing for her.  She literally has no responsibilities during that fourth dimension.  When is the last time you lot had zilch responsibilities?  I hateful, we're responsible for things even while we slumber!  I'm not sure I completely embrace what sort of a break that is to a homeschooling mother of 4 young kids; to have between a half an 60 minutes and a couple of hours of blissful lack of whatsoever sort of responsibility and/or decision making.  But, I tell you, the evidence of these sessions is undeniable.  Her orgasms are quicker, stronger, and the next day she is more than relaxed, smiles more, and more often than not only happier than if we had just had a calendar week long holiday (though, granted, vacations with 4 kids aren't very relaxing these days).

The closest thing I can chronicle this to in the Bible is this:

For My yoke is wholesome (useful, skillful—not harsh, difficult, sharp, or pressing, merely comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is liteand like shooting fish in a barrel to be borne.  – Matthew 11:thirty

When Jesus first said this, I'yard sure many people thinking "How tin can a yoke be wholesome/useful/good?  He wants us to get from slaves to the Romans to slaves to Him."  Merely Jesus said the brunt is light and piece of cake to bear.  You know why?  Because when we let our cocky, our will, die, and allow God take over, everything becomes easier.  Don't get me wrong, your circumstances volition probably get harder, but life is easier, because He is in control, we don't need to make decisions, but follow what the Spirit is telling us.

Now, I exercise not want to raise chains on some kind of a pedestal, just I tin can't help but come across a parallel.  I'm sure some people are asking "How tin you lot similar existence tied up/blindfolded/cuffed/whatsoever?"  Because the bondage is light.  It's sort of a trade: my married woman trades emotional/mental bondage for physical, and evidently the concrete bondage is much easier to comport.

Now, I'grand sure some people are thinking "this guy is just justifying tying his wife up and using her".  Believe you me, when you lot are in the position of the person doing the bondage, yes, information technology is fun, but not for the reasons yous remember.  I seriously bask the pleasure my married woman gets out of this activity.That is what turns me on.  But, I also want to say, that during these sessions, guess who gets to pick upwardly all the responsibility she is costless of?  Yep, that's me, and I do it willingly, because I beloved her and want her to have that suspension.  It is my responsibility to make certain that she enjoys herself, is not hurt or harmed, if something happens in the firm (some emergency), I need to exist able to get her out in seconds if not faster (and yes, I am prepared for that).  I never do anything I know for a fact she is non 100% willing to do.  Any if anyone is wondering when information technology's my turn to be tied upward:  My wife has absolutely no interest in switching roles.  I've offered, she wants no part of it.

Now, obviously, this isn't for everyone.  My point hither was not to convince anyone that bondage is something yous should effort.  My point is to say, that I recall you can exercise it in a loving, Christian marriage, and feel guilt free from participating in it.  Sometimes people are worried that enjoying bondage makes them weird, twisted, a freak, broken.  In that location are so many more people doing this in healthy marriages than you would believe.

Now, In some marriages information technology probably isn't appropriate.  If you lot take trust issues (either you can't trust, or your spouse is untrustworthy) stay away until the issues are gone. If you take been sexually assaulted in the past, be careful: some have found the feel a fashion to sort of claim back some part of themselves, only others prefer not to even mention the topic.  Maybe inquire a therapist.  I'grand non qualified to answer those types of situations.

Lastly, just and then no one gets the wrong idea this isn't a dark occurence: this is a once a month at about activity for us, and usually doesn't go beyond Velcro cuffs and possibly a blindfold.  Nosotros don't take dungeon gear, I don't own a single flogger or whip.  I don't even own metal handcuffs, they just expect too uncomfortable.

Your Turn

So, I hope that wasn't besides much information, I tried to be equally generic as possible.  I am curious almost people's thoughts.  This is a topic that doesn't become addressed much in our circles.  I'd love to hear your comments.  You tin annotate below anonymously if you like, I don't need to know who you are.  Simply interested in the discussion.Do you lot agree with me, disagree? If I meet a ton of "unlikes" and "unfollows" I guess I'll know the respond, merely I'd much rather know the reasons, I hope not to get offended.  Still, if there is interest, I'k more than willing to mail service more topics similar this.  Topics a bit outside of the usual fare in Christian spousal relationship blogs, where at that place are many questions, but not too many answers.

Because I got and then many questions, I wrote a role 2 "Beginner Bondage Questions".  Get check it out!